He approached me to say he did not know how to have a relationship with his reports, he was overwhelmed with events in his personal life, had gotten so far ahead because of his tech skills but needed to develop his people skills to make grow further.
We identified some of his core goals:
1.Increase his tolerance when he dealt with seniors/ juniors not up to his standard in tech and people skills.
3. Break his anxiety pattern that led to anger in his dealings at work and with family members
Many times as I help clients probe their anxiety and where it is coming from, I have seen it stemming from the helplessness they felt as a child in some crucial moments.
My client grew up in India with both his parents were working hard to bring food to the table. The evenings were spent by them working very hard to maintaining and keeping the house running.
As a child, my client had to resolve many small and big challenges in his education himself and found himself alone in many crucial situations. He had developed a disasterization response to almost everything in his life.
“This problem is really hard to solve. If I make a mistake in my decision making here it will be a complete disaster and everything will be lost.”- this had become his internal dialog as he navigated through various challenges alone growing up as a child. He carried this inner script even as an adult. This would lead him to experience high anxiety during deadlines at work eventually leading to anger.
The Coaching work we did together involved him to understand how he got this inner script as a helpless child. As a child with not much experience and lack of skills around thinking, planning & back up plans- every outcome seemed like a potential disaster. Having grown up and with access to the above mentioned skills he still followed his childhood inner script of disasterization. Through my tools of – elevate thinking patterns, releasing energy blocks, guided meditations and deep subconscious work my client was successful in changing his inner script to , ” This problem is hard to solve. I will use all my resources and experience to work through this. I also have access to other experts in the area and I can seek their help to make progress. If in hindsight I found I made the wrong decision , I will take it as a learning experience and move on. Less than desired results are hardly a disaster , there is so much more to life.”
The help him reach his first goal we did a few exercises on helping him understand his personality type through Ayurveda. It also gave him an insight into how different people have different personality types. For his specific type he discovered what are some of things that tick him off and why. We then developed strategies so he understood people, communication styles and how different people were driven by different things in a conversation – logic/emotion/relationships.
This helped him resolve a lot of relationship issues in his personal and professional life. His communication became more empathic stemming from a place of trying to understand the other person rather than seeing how they measured to his personal yardsticks.
As a side- effect my client also became more aware of his needs as a person and did well to make time to care for them. He also worked on a chart connected to the 5 layers that make up personality and the needs of each layer.
By filling up the chart and the needs at each layer, he started to focus on living his life in a more holistic way with his career being only one aspect of his life.
Checking in again after 6 months of finishing he coaching engagement, he said he was holding strong, his understanding of himself and people is only deepening leading to better relationships and performance at work and home!