8 Signs of a Toxic/Narcissistic Person -Save Yourself From Abuse

Discovering the 8 signs of toxic/emotional abuse and how to break free from harmful relationships, and prioritise your well-being for personal growth

8 Signs of Toxic/ Emotional Abuse

If you have ever found yourself entangled with someone who consistently exhibits toxic behavior, it's crucial to be aware of the signs. It's not just about a one-time occurrence or a couple of isolated incidents; it's about the consistent display of these toxic traits. Recognizing these behaviors is essential because they indicate that you may be a victim of emotional abuse, which persists over time and remains unchanged, regardless of the love, kindness, care, empathy, affection, and personal growth you bring into the relationship.

Toxic behavior can manifest in various relationships, whether it's a partner, friend, boss, parent, or even a child. Unfortunately, many individuals find themselves repeatedly drawn to similar toxic dynamics, often because it feels familiar. It's essential to break free from these harmful relationships by identifying and understanding the eighth signs of toxic behavior.

1) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulative technique that makes you doubt your own reality. When you express being hurt by someone's actions, they skillfully question your entire perception of the event. They do it so convincingly that you start believing them, casting doubt on your own memory.

They might even go as far as suggesting you have mental health issues like depression or bipolar disorder, claiming that your reactions are exaggerated. They adamantly deny any wrongdoing whenever you confront them, perpetuating the gaslighting cycle. Gaslighting involves incessantly questioning your reality, memory, and understanding, making you feel intellectually inadequate.

It's a constant state of being deceived, where they act as if everything you say is false and your memory is faulty. Gaslighting is just one of the toxic behaviors to be aware of, alongside other equally significant ones.

2) Withholding Affection

You need to look out for signs of withholding affection in a relationship. The person's promises to shower you with love and affection are always in the future tense, leaving you longing for something that never materializes.

You find yourself constantly striving to please them, hoping that one day you'll earn their affection. However, they perpetually withhold it from you. They subject you to demanding standards of perfection, manipulating your emotions and actions. No matter how hard you try, you believe that this time, you'll finally receive their affection, but it never comes.

It's like the proverbial carrot on a stick, where you keep walking towards it, only to realize that the carrot moves with you, always out of reach. This situation reduces you to an object, devoid of the love and care you deserve. It is an important aspect to be aware of in toxic relationships.

3) You Are an Object

You're just a thing. Your emotions, feelings, needs, and desires have absolutely no value. In fact, they treat you as a mere object, using and discarding you at their convenience. While you are still useful to them and you haven't figured out their true intentions or understood the extent of their actions, they continue to exploit you.

You endure the abuse and trauma, all the while neglecting your own well-being and ignoring your inner voice. However, once you begin to unravel their true nature and realize the abusive and narcissistic traits they possess, you become useless to them.

Now that you see through their manipulations and refuse to believe their deceptive words, they discard you without hesitation. You are reduced to being an object whose sole purpose is to fulfill their needs.

Many times, these individuals enter into relationships solely to have someone to handle their household chores, their financial needs, cater to their desires, and take care of their responsibilities. In their eyes, you are nothing more than an object, and your own feelings, emotions, and needs hold no significance.

4) Your Needs Do Not Matter to Them

Your desires, aspirations, and personal growth hold absolutely no significance for them. Your happiness as a human being is inconsequential. In their eyes, you are not a living, breathing individual but merely a servant there to cater to their every whim.

No matter how much you selflessly serve them, take care of their needs, and behave impeccably in the relationship, a single mistake is enough to erase all the goodness you've shown. They conveniently dismiss your past acts of kindness as if they never existed.

Remember, you are nothing more than an object to them. It's important to note that these individuals thrive on creating chaos in their own lives. They say one thing, do another, and expect contradictory outcomes.

5) Chaos & Crazymaking Behavior

Another toxic trait is their tendency to create chaos and engage in crazymaking behavior. They will initially make plans with you, setting specific times and activities, making you excited for the day. You diligently prepare and eagerly await the agreed-upon time. However, as the appointed hour approaches, they suddenly claim to feel tired or uninterested in going out. They suggest resting for a while, leaving you waiting in anticipation.

They continue to postpone, citing various reasons such as the weather, personal tasks, or sudden changes in priorities. They derive pleasure from making you waste your entire day, reveling in the power they hold over your time and emotions.

Their skills in manipulation extend to changing plans on a whim. They might express a desire to eat at a certain place, only to retract the idea moments later. They promise to organize finances but fail to follow through. They announce upcoming vacations, only to cancel them at the last moment, leaving you frustrated and disappointed. This constant chaos becomes a pattern in their life, disrupting your peace and stability.

Furthermore, they exhibit inconsistency in shared responsibilities. For instance, if you share a car, they might agree to let you use it on Mondays but create turmoil and confusion every Monday, altering their decision. They might insist on inviting guests over, disregarding your objections and claiming that they have already committed to it. This deliberate chaos serves to exhaust and control you, leaving you too drained to resist.

If you dare to voice your concerns or objections, they gaslight you - they twist the narrative to make you feel guilty, accusing you of being the cause of their impulsive actions.

Through these behaviors, they seek to maintain dominance and control over you, gradually eroding your energy and self-worth. It becomes their strategy to keep you as a compliant and subservient individual, devoid of the strength to protest or advocate for yourself.

6) Shaming & Invalidating

Another toxic behavior exhibited by these individuals is their tendency to shame and invalidate you. They take advantage of your vulnerabilities and insecurities, using them as weapons to undermine your self-esteem. For example, they may shame you for sleeping, claiming that you should be productive instead. They invalidate your preferences, such as not liking guests at home or wanting control over the car, making you question the validity of your own desires.

Their crazymaking behavior continues as they consistently shift blame onto you. They make you doubt your own understanding of events, leaving you wondering if you are the one at fault. They manipulate situations to make you believe that you are wrong, often challenging your memory or mental capacity. This constant gaslighting contributes to your confusion and self-doubt, gradually eroding your sense of reality.

Furthermore, they subject you to relentless criticism. They establish impossibly high standards for you to meet, setting you up for failure. As an empathetic individual, you strive to please them and meet their expectations. However, no matter how hard you try, they always find faults and flaws in your actions, further diminishing your self-worth.

Through shaming, invalidation, and continuous criticism, they exert control over you. They exploit your empathetic nature and use it against you, making you feel inadequate and powerless. These tactics are intended to keep you under their control and manipulate your perception of yourself.

7) Unrealistic Expectations

These toxic individuals subject you to unattainable standards and constantly criticize you for falling short. They exploit your thoughtful and caring nature, making you believe that their criticism is constructive feedback. You earnestly strive to improve yourself, seeking their affection and appreciation, only to be met with a constant sense of inadequacy.

No matter how much effort you put in, it never seems to be enough to meet their expectations. They control you by setting impossibly high standards for every aspect of your life, including your relationships, behavior, accomplishments, and appearance. Their criticism knows no bounds, continuously nitpicking and finding fault in everything you do.

When you gather the courage to express your concerns about their behavior, they gaslight you, denying their previous actions and shifting the blame onto you. They manipulate the situation to make you question your own perception and sanity. In moments of frustration or anger, which are valid responses to their abuse, they further criticize you, labeling your genuine emotions as unacceptable.

They use your natural desire for self-improvement as a trap, making you believe that you must strive for perfection to be worthy of love and respect. This unrealistic expectation becomes a never-ending cycle of disappointment, self-doubt, and the relentless pursuit of their approval.

Additionally, they shame you for your behaviors, using it as a tool to demean and control you. They exploit any vulnerability or mistake, making you feel ashamed and unworthy. This constant shaming further weakens your self-esteem, reinforcing their control over you.

In their presence, you feel trapped in a perpetual state of inadequacy and fear of judgment. Their manipulation and constant criticism distort your self-perception, making it challenging to recognize your own worth and break free from their toxic grasp.

8) Targeting Your Weaknesses

These toxic individuals exploit your vulnerabilities and use them as weapons to manipulate and control you. They shame you for not being perfect, making you question your behavior, character, and even your own existence. This relentless targeting of your weaknesses is meant to undermine your self-confidence and keep you in a state of self-doubt.

One of the tactics they employ is emotional blackmail. They are aware of your empathetic and caring nature, and they use it against you. They know how to pull on your heartstrings and manipulate your feelings to get what they want. Whether it's feigning illness, reminding you of commitments, or making you feel guilty for refusing their demands, they skillfully exploit your emotions to control your actions.

By succumbing to their emotional blackmail and complying with their desires, you reinforce their power over you. Over time, the combination of gaslighting, withholding affection, treating you as an object, and creating constant chaos establishes a toxic dynamic where you become increasingly vulnerable to their manipulations.

They thrive on keeping you off balance, constantly unsure of yourself and seeking their validation. They target your weaknesses and exploit your caring nature to maintain control and dominance in the relationship. It becomes a cycle of emotional manipulation, where they skillfully manipulate your emotions to maintain their power over you.

Breaking free from this cycle requires recognizing these manipulative tactics and reclaiming your self-worth. It is essential to establish boundaries, prioritize your own well-being, and surround yourself with supportive individuals who value and respect you.

9) Isolation

One of the most insidious tactics used by toxic individuals is isolating you from your support system. They deliberately cut you off from your friends, loved ones, and any meaningful connections you may have. By doing so, they create a sense of dependency where you become increasingly reliant on them for validation, companionship, and emotional support.

As they isolate you, they weaken your support network and leave you vulnerable and easier to control. You find yourself trapped in a bubble with only them as your main source of interaction. This isolation makes it harder for you to seek help or gain perspective from outside influences. It perpetuates the cycle of abuse, as they become the sole arbiter of your reality.

The more isolated you become, the more they can manipulate and control you. They feed you distorted narratives, convincing you that they are the only ones who truly understand you, and that others cannot be trusted. This further erodes your self-confidence and strengthens their hold over you.

As you continue to endure the abuse and isolate yourself further, you begin to weaken physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Your self-esteem plummets, and you lose faith in your abilities and judgement. The toll on your mental and physical health becomes evident, leaving you unable to break free from the toxic cycle.

It is crucial to recognize these signs before it's too late. Rebuilding your support network, reaching out to trusted friends or professionals, and seeking guidance can help you regain your strength and break free from the isolation. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people who genuinely care about your well-being.

What should you do?

In the tangled web of familiarity, we find solace in the notion that we possess the power to heal or repair those who inflict harm upon us. Our hearts cling to this belief, despite the toxicity that surrounds it. We are drawn to the comfort of what we know, even if it carries the weight of pain and suffering. It is an inexplicable pull, a yearning to recreate the past, to find redemption where it may not exist. We deceive ourselves with the false promise of transformation, trading our own well-being for the illusion of control. In the depths of this paradox, we must find the strength to rewrite our story, and give ourselves the love and nurturing that we truly deserve.

In a relationship where you experience these signs of toxic behavior, it is important to prioritize your own well-being and take steps to protect yourself. Here are some actions you can take:

Recognize the signs: Educate yourself about toxic behaviors and red flags in relationships. Awareness is the first step towards change.
Set boundaries: Clearly define and communicate your boundaries with the toxic person. Establish what you will and will not tolerate in the relationship.
Focus on self-care: Invest time and energy in your own healing and personal growth. Prioritize self-care activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance. Consider joining support groups or seeking therapy to help navigate the challenges you're facing.
Reflect and unlearn: Take time to reflect on the patterns and beliefs that have kept you in the toxic relationship. Challenge and unlearn any negative thought patterns or behaviors that may have developed as a result.
Consider coaching or therapy: If you feel you need professional assistance in your healing journey, consider working with a life coach or therapist who specializes in toxic relationships. They can provide guidance, support, and tools to help you regain your strength and rebuild your life.

Remember, healing takes time, and everyone's journey is unique. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you navigate the process of healing and reclaiming your power.

How can we help?

If you are interested in receiving coaching for your personal growth and healing, you can explore options such as joining the EASE Life Coaching Academy where they offer one-on-one coaching and various coaching tiers to fit different budgets.

Alternatively, if you have a desire to help others in their healing journey, you can consider becoming an Ease Coach through the EASE Coach School, where you will learn effective methods to support and guide individuals towards personal growth and transformation.

Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being. You deserve to be in healthy and nurturing relationships.

Categories: Narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self identity