Narcissist is turning your kids against you? 3 Steps You Need to Take

We're going to tackle a very challenging and important topic:which is dedicated to helping individuals fully recover from toxic narcissistic abuse.

Introduction: Navigating the Challenges of Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

In this blog, we're going to tackle a very challenging and important topic : which is dedicated to helping individuals fully recover from toxic narcissistic abuse.

If you have a narcissistic partner—whether it’s your spouse, ex, or co-parent—you already know how incredibly complicated this journey can be. We will be exploring different challenges and providing strategies to help you navigate them.

In the previous blog we focused on three key survival strategies and mindset shifts necessary for co-parenting with a narcissist. In this instalment, we will take a closer look at the major issue that many of my coaching clients face: when the narcissistic parent turns the children against you.

Understanding the Manipulative Tactics of a Narcissistic Co-Parent

One of the most painful aspects of co-parenting with a narcissist is when they manipulate your child against you. Narcissists often use various tactics to alienate the child from the healthier parent, such as:

Gifting and Grand Gestures – Showering the child with extravagant gifts and surprises to win their favour.
Playing the Victim – Portraying themselves as the “suffering” parent while subtly painting you as the villain.
Gaslighting the Child – Making the child question their own perception of reality by distorting facts.
Diminishing Your Worth – Presenting you as unintelligent, unimportant, or unloving to create doubt in your child’s mind.

These tactics create confusion for the child and may lead them to resist or reject your guidance, seeing you as the problem instead of the narcissistic parent.

The Emotional Toll on the Healthy Parent

When you see your child turning against you, it’s deeply heartbreaking. You may feel:

Betrayed by your co-parent.
Anxious about your child’s future.
Frustrated that co-parenting feels more like a competition.
Angry that your ex-partner isn’t helping build trust in the family.
Fearful that your child will adopt narcissistic traits themselves.

At times, you may even be tempted to fight back by proving your ex wrong or exposing their manipulative behaviour to your child. However, doing so only drags you into the toxic cycle of competition. Instead, there are healthier ways to regain connection and influence with your child.

Three Key Strategies to Maintain a Strong Bond with Your Child

1. Focus on What You Can Control

You cannot control what your narcissistic co-parent says or does. The more you try to argue, defend yourself, or fix the situation at its source, the more power you give them. Instead, focus on:

Your own actions and reactions.
Creating a safe, loving, and consistent environment for your child.
Building resilience and emotional intelligence in your child through authentic interactions.

The more stable and dependable you are, the more your child will learn to differentiate between genuine love and manipulation over time.

2. Be the Parent, Not the Competitor

It’s natural to feel the urge to compete for your child’s love when your co-parent is trying to turn them against you. However, parenting isn’t about winning favour—it’s about providing steady guidance and unconditional support.

Continue to show up as a loving, reliable parent.
Avoid using your child for emotional validation or support.
Foster an environment where your child feels safe to express their thoughts without fear of judgment.

Over time, your child will recognize authenticity and trust the parent who provides consistent emotional safety.

3. Build Your Own Inner Strength and Self-Worth

Every time your narcissistic co-parent spreads negativity about you, it’s crucial that you don’t internalize their words. Instead, work on strengthening your own sense of self-worth:

Remind yourself of your true value as a parent.
Avoid reacting emotionally to the narcissist’s tactics.
Maintain confidence in your parenting decisions.

By exuding stability, confidence, and self-assurance, you naturally model these qualities for your child. Even if they don’t recognize it now, they will eventually see who the truly trustworthy parent is.

Conclusion: Stay the Course and Trust the Process

Co-parenting with a narcissist is incredibly challenging, but remember: your child needs one stable, loving, and emotionally healthy parent to look up to. That parent is you.

You don’t need to engage in battles or prove yourself. Instead, focus on what you can control—your actions, your love, and your unwavering presence. Over time, children learn to differentiate truth from manipulation. Stay patient, stay strong, and know that your consistency will make all the difference.

If you found this blog helpful and visit our Website for more information, for 1:1 coaching Apply Here.

You are not alone. Keep healing, keep growing, and stay strong.