Proximity is Power: Authentic Networking with Successful Leaders & Peers

Authentic Networking with Successful Leaders & Peers

In November 2023, I was at a Tony Robbins event in Dallas. It was an extraordinary experience with 11,000 people in a huge convention center, all together focused on going to the next level in their life and business. The energy was amazing. Tony Robbins was the chief motivator, inspirer, teacher, coach, and mentor. His team included Jamie Kern Lima, the first female CEO of L'Oréal, Joseph McClendon III, the most sought-after ultimate performance specialist in the industry, and Peter Diamandis, a New York Times bestseller and co-founder of Singularity University and Human Longevity Inc., among others.

Their energy, inspiration, motivation, can-do attitude, and their stories—the heroes' journeys that came out through each of their stories—were so inspirational. There was one particular incident that really stayed in my mind. As a coach, there is one thing that I have been a little hesitant about practicing, but I want to because I know the amount of transformation that it can bring to a client's life. It's about the shock treatment that can be given at the right time to the client with the right relationship and in the right measure that can really transform a client's life.

I was very careful about doing it because I didn't want it to cause harm in my client's life. And there I saw Tony in action, in one of his live coaching sessions in front of 11,000 people with one of the audience members, using a mix of strategies to help the person he was coaching and then use the shock treatment to the perfect effect. He did this without embarrassing the client and helping them make the transformation they needed. Seeing the client's beliefs change right in front of us as Tony did that was like a live masterclass. It would have taken me many years to try and test it myself before I knew the best way to do it, and here I saw Tony in action, and I was able to learn it so fast.

(Don't have time to read the entire article? Listen to my podcast on the topic instead—click here)

The Influence of Your Circle

We're all familiar with the saying, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." and You are who you associate with. You're only as good as the people who you surround yourself with.

If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room. This is very true, and it’s something you should treat with the utmost seriousness if you truly want the shit you say you want.

Finding the Right People

Your family, spouse, friends, and parents aren't going to understand your blue sky vision, your passion, or how high you want to fly. Even if they are happy to listen you cannot talk about that with them all the time and there are many other things to talk about with them, duties and joys to share together that your inner being can feel lonely.

Also if you truly desire a higher level of existence you want to be with people operating at that level of existence and not with people in your ear talking you out of it.

We need people, whether they're teachers, mentors, family, or trusted friends, who challenge us and push us to be better. The right circle of influence raises the bar, helping us to set new, loftier expectations of ourselves. Oftentimes, we don't know what we are capable of until we see others achieve. It's not an accident that organizations like Summit Series, EO, and YPO are so popular and successful among achievers. When we surround ourselves with positive, successful people they consciously (and subconsciously) challenge us to be our best selves.

Two Types of People to Surround Yourself With

You want to have proximity with two types of people:

1. Peers

Peers who can be in the trenches with you, running similar businesses and dealing with the same types of problems. They are at a level similar to you and, in some aspects, ahead of you. They can guide you, share pain points, difficulties, journeys, and solutions, and provide emotional support. When you share with them, you support their growth, strengthen your relationship, and develop appreciation for your own journey. Speaking and sharing reinforce your steps and inspire you in different ways in your own business.

For example, I'm part of a mastermind group for coaches running online businesses, courses, and podcasts. Every time my yearly membership renews, I ask myself if I should continue. The answer is always an instant yes because in that community, I not only find people at my level but also businesses way ahead of me and experts I can learn from and follow.

2. People ahead of you

People ahead of you, way ahead of you. Watching them in action can fast-track your learning and help you avoid years of trial and error. Their vision and mindset inspire you to elevate your own.

A Study on the Impact of Proximity

Consider a 2010 study of United States Air Force Cadets in which psychologists from the National Bureau of Economic Research tracked a cohort of cadets over 4 years. The researchers found that while there was variability in fitness gains/losses across all the cadets, there was hardly any variability within squadrons. Squadrons are groups of about 30 cadets to which an individual is randomly assigned prior to his freshman year. Cadets spend the vast majority of their time interacting with peers in their squadron. In a sense, the squadron becomes a second family: Cadets in the same squadron eat, sleep, study, and work out together. Even though all the squadrons trained and recovered in exactly the same manner, some squadrons showed vast increases in fitness over 4 years whereas others did not.

It turns out the determining factor as to whether the 30 cadets within a squadron improved was the motivation of the least fit person in the group. If the least fit person was motivated to improve, then his enthusiasm spread, and everyone improved. If, on the other hand, the least fit person was apathetic or, worse, negative, he dragged everyone down. Just like diseases easily spread through tight-knit groups, so does motivation. And it’s quite contagious.

Individual Growth vs Collective Growth

So much focus is on behavior change and performance focuses on the individual. Yet that’s only half the story. Working to build a better self almost always means working to build a better community or tribe with which you surround it. This concept holds true whether you are trying to get better at running, painting, writing, making music, parenting, or coaching. It also holds true if you are trying to quit smoking, adhere to a healthier way of eating, or start a new exercise program. It’s true if you are a beginner or on the verge of becoming world-class. In other words, the people with whom you surround yourself have an enormous impact on your life. In many ways, they shape it.

I have created the Transcend Partnership for like-minded leaders to find their people, meet, and innovate together and invite you to join there to find your peers and leaders for leadership and business growth.

How to Approach Leaders and Experts

Next, I want to talk about what steps do you need to take while in their proximity. What can you do to learn? To approach potential mentors and leaders, we can draw from Eastern wisdom. Humility and Service are two very key principles emphasized in the Bhagavad Gita as keys to gaining knowledge.

In Chapter 4, Verse 34, Lord Krishna says:

tad viddhi pranipatena pariprashnena svaya upadeksyanti te jnana jnaninas tattva darshanam

"Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized soul can impart knowledge unto you because he has seen the truth".

1) Attitude of Humility

This verse highlights that knowledge flows from higher to lower sources when approached with humility and service. Whether it's a spiritual master or a business guru, you must approach them with submission and service. Recognize their higher level of knowledge and accomplishment, and be humble in your approach.

If humility is missing even by watching them you would not learn. Be humble in your approach - don't go as a know it all, they are not going to be inspired to share; but as a sincere student, they will help you and guide you.

2) Acts of service

What can you serve them with? Sometimes not bothering them when they don't need you around. Your service should make things easier for them- could be as simple as downloading an app for them or calling a cab and doing it genuinely.

I'd like to share a story from Srila Prabhupada, the founder of the Hare Krishna movement, which emphasizes how our actions, even when well-intentioned, can cause disturbance if not approached correctly. All of Srila Prabhupada's disciples wanted to be close to him. Even if they were in the same room, those who couldn't get inside would wait outside, hoping for a chance to be near him. Inside, there was often competition among the disciples to sit as close as possible, especially right in front of him.

This intense desire led to jostling and disturbance. Sensing the commotion, Srila Prabhupada addressed it. He asked, "Do you know who is the person closest to me in this room? The soul which is closest to me in this room?" The disciples assumed it must be the person sitting right in front. Srila Prabhupada then revealed, "No, it is this mosquito sitting on my body, and it is simply causing me disturbance."

This story underscores that proximity, when not approached with the right attitude and actions, can be counterproductive. Similarly, if our attempts to be close to a leader or expert cause disruption or are driven by selfish motives, they can hinder rather than help.

Develop a relationship based on humility and service.

Modern Context and Relationship Building

In the modern context, it's easy to think about leveraging someone's network or getting a photo with a big name for social media clout. However, this approach doesn't build genuine relationships. Leaders who sense that you are only out to get something from them will not want to be around you. Instead, focus on developing authentic relationships over time through acts of service without expecting anything in return.

For instance, in the Mahabharata, both Duryodhan and Arjun approached Lord Krishna for help in the battle. Duryodhan sat at Krishna's head, while Arjun sat at his feet, showing humility. Krishna offered them either his army or himself. Arjun chose Krishna, valuing proximity to the right person over resources. Duryodhan, despite having Krishna's army, lost the battle, showing that guidance and proximity to the right person are more valuable than mere resources.

Where to find such people?

1)Paid Communities:

Join structured communities focused on mutual growth and support, like the Transcend Partnership, which I'm building for leaders.

Communities that are focused on this, help you have a structured way to meet and interact. Such communities exist for connection, upliftment, and support. You can not talk to your spouse or friends all the time about things you are inspired by, and what you want to accomplish- people who get you who are ahead of you. Who have gone through the same inner struggles and can support you. Peers, mentors, not random networking but based on genuine connection, support, learning, and service

2) Coaches

Invest in personalized guidance from master coaches to get a clear roadmap and guardrails for success.

The have the solutions, and a clear roadmap to your success- Investing in coaching with them for their proximity helps you in learning from their curve, and guardrails as you do the bold moves with someone who has been there done that to lead you in the way.

3) Everyday hangouts

Build genuine relationships in places you frequent, such as gyms, clubs, temples, churches, workplaces, or carpool rides.

When to make your ask

Sometimes you may make no ask for many years, but just be of sincere service to them and their well-wishers and friends. It gives you entry into a special relationship and be a first-row witness of how they see and do things.

Sometimes you are not ready to gain from their expertise and connections - gives you the impetus to build yourself to that level.

In paid communities and coaching, your interactions are purpose-driven, so you don't have to worry about when to make your ask. Consider joining the Transcend Partnership and consider joining Executive Coaching.

However, in everyday settings, focus on long-term relationship building. Serve without expectation and nurture these connections over time.

Proximity is Indeed Power

How close are you sitting with your internal and external customers? How well do you know them? How close are you to leading lights and peers in your field?

Surround yourself with peers who challenge and support you, and seek guidance from experts. Approach these relationships with humility and a service-oriented mindset. Explore paid communities, coaching, and everyday opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals.

Podcast on the Topic

I have also recorded a 28-min audio podcast on the topic which you could hear by clicking the link below.

Categories: : Leadership