Should You Stay or Should you Leave?

The decision to stay or leave a narcissistic relationship is a deeply personal one and can be influenced by a variety of factors.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining. Narcissists are known for their grandiosity, lack of empathy, and manipulative behavior. They often put their needs above their partner's needs and can be highly critical and controlling. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you may be wondering whether you should stay or leave.

The decision to stay or leave a narcissistic relationship is a deeply personal one and can be influenced by a variety of factors. It's essential to weigh the pros and cons of each choice before making a decision.

Pros of Staying in a Narcissistic Relationship

Comfort: Staying in a relationship with a narcissist can be comfortable because it's familiar. You may be used to their behavior and feel like you know what to expect. It can be challenging to leave a relationship and face the unknown.
Fear of being alone: You may be afraid of being alone and feel like it's better to stay in the relationship than to be on your own. This fear can be especially strong if you've been in the relationship for a long time.
Love: If you love the narcissist, it can be difficult to leave the relationship. You may feel like you can't imagine your life without them, even if the relationship is unhealthy.

Cons of Staying in a Narcissistic Relationship

Emotional abuse: Narcissists can be emotionally abusive, and staying in the relationship can cause long-term damage to your mental health.
Lack of empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy, which means they may not be able to support you emotionally or understand your needs.
Control: Narcissists can be highly controlling and manipulative. Staying in the relationship can make you feel like you're losing your sense of self and your independence.

Empaths consider leaving a narcissistic relationship because they can then focus on their self care and healing, have the freedom and independence to live their life and open themselves for other healthy relationships. However, they are overwhelmed with uncertainty about what the new life would look like , dealing with the loss of the relationship and sense of family and financial and social concerns

Dharmic Considerations

In many cultures, including those influenced by the Hindu and Buddhist traditions, the concept of dharma plays a significant role in shaping people's decisions and actions. Dharma refers to the ethical and moral duties and responsibilities that individuals are expected to fulfill in order to live a virtuous and fulfilling life.

In the context of marriage, dharma places a strong emphasis on the importance of fulfilling one's duties as a spouse and parent, and maintaining the stability and harmony of the family unit. This can lead some individuals to feel a sense of obligation and duty towards staying in a difficult relationship

The purpose of marriage is also seen as more than just a romantic partnership or a means of personal fulfillment. Instead, it is viewed as a sacred bond that brings together two individuals for the purpose of fulfilling their dharma and contributing to the larger community and society.

Furthermore, the responsibility of raising children is also seen as a sacred duty that parents must undertake with the utmost care and dedication. This can also contribute to the decision to stay in an abusive relationship, as individuals may believe that leaving the relationship would be detrimental to the well-being of their children or violate their duty as a parent.

In the end, the decision to stay or leave a narcissistic relationship is a personal one, and only you can make it. It's essential to consider your own needs, your safety, and your personality. What one can deal with and cannot deal with differs from person to person and thus the decision to stay or leave as well!

Should I Stay or Leave?

This decision needs to be made from a place of strength

Making the decision to stay or leave a relationship can be a difficult and complex process, especially in cases where the relationship involves abuse and mistreatment. In such situations, it's important to recognize that the decision should not be made from a space of pain and hurt, as these emotions can cloud judgment and lead to decisions made from a place of weakness rather than strength.

Instead, individuals should take the time to work on strengthening themselves, healing their emotional wounds, and addressing any vulnerabilities they may have. This can involve seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals, engaging in self-care practices, and exploring their own values, beliefs, and goals.

Once an individual has done the necessary work to strengthen and heal themselves, they can approach the decision with a clear head and a more objective perspective. This can involve taking a step back and assessing the situation from a distance, considering the long-term consequences of staying or leaving, and weighing the potential benefits and drawbacks of each choice.

By taking the time to strengthen and heal themselves first, individuals can make a decision that is grounded in strength and self-respect, rather than weakness and fear.

What Happens When You Do Not Heal from the Abuse and Your Vulnerabilities?

If a person leaves a toxic relationship without addressing the underlying issues of abuse or their own vulnerabilities, they may find themselves repeating the same patterns in future relationships. This is because unhealed wounds and traumas can create patterns of behavior that attract similar types of partners and dynamics.

For example, if a person grew up in an abusive household and has not addressed the trauma, they may find themselves drawn to abusive partners in their adult relationships. In order to break these patterns, it's important to address the root causes of the behavior and work through any past traumas or wounds. This can involve joining the HealStrong Program to recover from narcissistic abuse, engaging in self-reflection and self-care practices, and learning healthy communication and boundary-setting skills. By doing this important work, a person can break free from the cycle of toxic relationships and move towards healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Can You Heal in the Same Place That Wounded You?

Healing is possible in any circumstance, including while remaining in a toxic relationship. It seems difficult to heal while still in an environment that is constantly triggering negative emotions and behaviors but it actually lends you a great opportunity to work on yourself and grow. Since you can test your healing level every single day - you can know how well you are doing in the specific area within yourself you are working on. Also, since you are in the same environment you are not dealing with the stress of newness and change that comes with moving out.

The wound of a toxic relationship can also give a person the gift of healing. Through this experience, a person may develop a deeper understanding of themselves, their boundaries, their vulnerabilities, and their values. They may also learn healthy coping mechanisms, communication skills, and ways to set and enforce boundaries. This newfound knowledge can help them in future relationships and personal growth.

Leaving the toxic relationship can provide a sense of relief and allow a person to focus solely on their own healing without the added stress and triggers of the toxic dynamic. However leaving your familiar surroundings bring in a whole new set of challenges and distractions in your life that take away your focus. It is important to note that leaving is not always the best option or even possible for everyone, and healing can still occur while remaining in the relationship. Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave should be based on what is best for the individual's mental and emotional well-being.

Sometimes Leaving Is Not Possible

Leaving a difficult relationship is not always possible, especially when it involves family members or a narcissistic boss. In some cases, it may be necessary to maintain contact or continue working with them due to financial or other obligations.

In situations involving parents or siblings, it can be especially challenging to distance oneself from a toxic relationship because of the emotional ties and sense of duty to family. However, setting boundaries and limiting contact can be helpful in managing the relationship and reducing the negative impact on one's emotional wellbeing.

Similarly, leaving a job may not always be feasible due to financial constraints or a lack of alternative job opportunities. In such cases, seeking support from colleagues or HR and focusing on developing coping mechanisms can be helpful in managing a difficult relationship with a narcissistic boss.

It's important to prioritize one's own emotional wellbeing and safety in any relationship, and seeking professional help can be beneficial in developing the tools needed to navigate and manage challenging relationships.

Detaching Mentally Before Physically

Detaching from a relationship can be a difficult and painful process, whether it is done physically or mentally. Physical detachment refers to physically ending the relationship, while mental detachment involves ending the emotional attachment and dependency on the relationship.

While physically detaching from a relationship may provide some relief and distance from the situation, it is important to note that if one has not healed themselves emotionally, they may still feel stuck or hooked to the relationship. Even if a person has physically detached from the relationship, if they have not processed their emotions and worked through any underlying issues, they may still find themselves struggling with feelings of attachment or longing for their ex-partner.

On the other hand, mental detachment involves acknowledging and working through one's emotions, thoughts, and beliefs around the relationship and personal vulnerabilities. This process can involve seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, engaging in self-care practices, and allowing oneself to grieve and process the end of the relationship. By mentally detaching from the relationship, one is able to let go of the emotional attachment and dependency, and begin to move forward with healing and growth.

Some people may find it easier to physically detach from the relationship but struggle with mental healing, while others may find it more challenging to physically detach but feel more empowered in their mental healing. Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize one's own healing and growth, and to seek support and resources as needed to facilitate this process.

Client Story 1- The Woman Gives the Narcissist Husband an Ultimatum to Get Coaching Help for Himself

Sheila had been married to her husband, Rahul, for over a decade. At first, Rahul was charming and attentive, but as time passed, he became more and more emotionally abusive. Sheila tried to talk to Rahul about how his behavior was affecting her, but he always dismissed her concerns and blamed her for the problems in their relationship.

One day, Sheila had enough. She gave Rahul an ultimatum: either he would get help for himself to understand the damage he caused to her and work on fixing himself, or she would have to leave the marriage. Rahul was furious and hurt. He felt exposed as a narcissist and didn't want to admit to any wrongdoing. He told Sheila that he wouldn't change at all and that she had to adjust to him.

For a while, things were tense between Sheila and Rahul. Rahul began a smear campaign against her, trying to turn their friends and family against her. Sheila felt alone and isolated, but she knew that she had to stay strong. She continued to see a therapist and worked on healing herself, despite Rahul's attempts to bring her down.

Eventually, Sheila and Rahul decided to separate mutually. Sheila knew that she couldn't continue to stay in a relationship where her needs and feelings were constantly dismissed. However, she was proud of herself for standing up for herself and giving Rahul the chance to change. She hoped that someday, he would seek the help he needed to become a better person, but she knew that was not her responsibility.

In the end, Sheila learned that she was strong enough to set boundaries and demand respect in her relationships. She realized that she deserved to be treated with love and kindness and she made a decision to walk away from relationships that didn't meet those standards. Sheila moved on with her life, feeling empowered and free from the toxic cycle she had been stuck in for so long.

Client Story 2: The Man Stays for the Sake of the Children

Brij was married to a woman who was narcissistic and had multiple affairs outside of their marriage. Despite catching her cheating multiple times, his wife was always in denial, refusing to take responsibility for her actions. Brij and his wife had two young children together, and he felt a sense of responsibility to keep the family together for their sake.

Over time, Brij felt himself becoming more and more trapped in the toxic and unfulfilling relationship. He was exhausted from the emotional toll of dealing with his wife's infidelity and narcissistic behavior. He felt like he was losing himself, but he also felt like leaving the relationship would mean disrupting his children's lives.

With the support of our HealStrong Program & the designated Team Ease coach and friends, Brij began to work on healing himself and building his emotional strength. He learned to set boundaries and stand up for himself in the relationship. He also began to prioritize self-care, which helped him feel more energized and centered.

Although Brij decided to stay in the relationship for a while longer, he no longer felt powerless and controlled by his wife. Instead, he focused on being the best father he could be to his children and creating a fulfilling life outside of the relationship. He found solace in his hobbies and interests, and he began to explore new opportunities that he had previously put on hold.

Client Story 3: Woman Stays as She Does Not Know if She Can Make it Alone

Reena was a young mother with two young children, and she found herself in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic husband. Despite the abuse and manipulation she endured, Reena felt like leaving the relationship would be even harder. She worried about how she would provide for her children and resettle herself without the support of her husband.

Over time, Reena began to feel trapped and isolated in the relationship. She knew that she needed to make a change, but the fear of the unknown kept her in the relationship. However, with the support of a Team EASE Coach from the HealStrong Program and friends, Reena began to work on healing herself and building her emotional strength. She learned healthy coping mechanisms and developed a support system to lean on.

Although Reena decided to stay in the relationship for a while longer, she no longer felt powerless and controlled by her husband. Instead, she focused on raising her children and getting involved in social work. She found purpose and fulfillment in helping others and using her experiences to make a positive impact.

Years passed, and Reena's children grew up and started their own families. Reena herself became a grandparent, and she looked back on her journey with a sense of pride and resilience. While her decision to stay in the relationship may have been difficult, she knew that it was the right decision for her and her family at the time. With the help of healing and support, Reena was able to rise above her circumstances and create a fulfilling life for herself and her loved ones.

Conclusion

From the client stories shared above it is clear each one made their decision based on their unique situation, their needs, their values and their capabilities. Each one decided what they can deal with and what they cannot deal with. They made their decisions with clarity and were able to benefit from it.

It is recommended that individuals heal before making any major decisions, such as leaving a relationship, because healing allows for a clearer perspective and a stronger sense of self. When a person is still in the midst of emotional pain and trauma, their judgement may be clouded, and they may make impulsive or misguided decisions.

Healing involves working through the emotions, thoughts, and beliefs surrounding the situation, as well as developing healthy coping mechanisms and communication skills. Through this process, a person gains a deeper understanding of themselves and their needs, which allows for more informed decision-making.

Additionally, healing can prevent the cycle of repeating toxic patterns and attracting similar toxic relationships in the future. When a person takes the time to heal and work on themselves, they are more likely to attract healthy and fulfilling relationships.

In summary, it is important to prioritize healing before making any major decisions, as it allows for a clearer perspective, a stronger sense of self, and can prevent the cycle of repeating toxic patterns.

The HealStrong Program

The HealStrong program is my signature program that is specifically designed for people to heal from a toxic relationships. It is systematic program with courses, coaches and community.

We help our clients understand the signs of a narcissistic relationship, their own traits that made them vulnerable to such a relationship, help them work on their vulnerabilities, heal their past trauma and have a thriving life ahead.

Through HealStrong we have helped many clients become emotionally secure and solid in themselves and live a thriving life within/without the relationship. It has also helped them nurture themselves and work on their purpose.

We have different tiers for different budgets and needs and you may find more details here

Not sure if you ant to join the program, you can start with my free worksheet here to get 3 steps to jumpstart your healing journey

Categories: Narcissism, Personal Growth, Relationships, self love