Unsupportive Family? Chase your Big Dreams Anyway

3 reasons your family doubts your blue-sky goals and what can you to keep yourself encouraged

In this blog, I'm going to talk about why your family doesn't support you in your audacious goals, your pursuit of reaching your full potential as a leader, and why they might not support you in your pursuit of success and what's possible for you. I'm going to discuss three reasons why this happens, how you can handle those reasons, and two very important things you can do about it. It's about taking care of your own needs, and that's the 2C formula that I'm going to share.

Let's start with 3 reasons why they maybe unsupportive.

1. Fear for you

Your family, who haven't made bold moves themselves, may worry about the risks you are taking. They fear you might harm yourself or be cheated by others. They are projecting their own unresolved fears and responding to your goals based on their beliefs and perceptions of how life should be.

What can you do? Absorb the wisdom your family shares and let it inform your decisions. However, you don't have to adopt their emotions and thoughts about your goals out of loyalty.

Be compassionate towards them. Understand that they can only guide you from their level of exposure and experience. As you grow, recognize whose guidance to seek for different aspects of your life.

2. Validate themselves- Crab Mentality

Those who haven't made bold moves themselves can sometimes try to pull you down. I had a well-wisher who kept telling me, "You are well-placed with wealth; why should you work so hard? It's a terrible life you're leading; you need to be more relaxed." They hadn't done much in life, didn't want to work hard, and were enjoying their inheritance.

In contrast, another well-wisher, who had worked their way up despite a huge inheritance, was always super appreciative and encouraging of me. Guess who I would talk to about my work and dreams?

It's important to choose who you spend time with and who you listen to.

3. Fear of losing you

Your spouse may fear losing you and worry about what will become of them, especially when they see you getting very busy. While they’re happy for you, they might end up leading a very lonely existence. There's the concept of a "golf widow," but there's also the concept of a "CEO widow," which can apply to both men and women. A CEO widow experiences loneliness when their partner is so busy with work that they feel alone, like a widow or widower. They have to figure out ways to support themselves and live around your schedule, goals, and aspirations.

It's important to have empathy for that. While you are grappling with your own need for support from your spouse, remember that your spouse is supporting you in many ways—providing a stable home and raising your children. They are a stable partner for you, but they are also feeling lonely and need you to be there for them. Words like "After this project, I'll be there for you" or future promises like "After I reach this milestone, we'll go on vacation" (but then including business meetings) are not effective.

Your spouse has real fears about what will happen to them, the kids, and the family unit. You need to show your support through uncompromising actions and by being a fully involved partner.

Marc Randolph, the co-founder of Netflix, provides a great example of this. He shares that 20 years from now, the only people who will remember you worked late are your kids and your spouse, not the company or customers. Randolph worked very hard, founding several companies, but he maintained balance in his life. For 30 years, he had a hard cutoff on Tuesdays at 5:00 p.m. to spend the evening with his wife. They would go for a movie, have dinner, or window shop together. Nothing got in the way of this routine. If someone needed to speak to him on Tuesday afternoon, they had to do it at 4:55 p.m. on the way to the parking lot.

This practice kept Randolph sane and put his work in perspective, highlighting the importance of his family. He didn’t want to be the entrepreneur on his seventh startup with his seventh spouse.

Think about how you can incorporate this mindset into your life to alleviate your spouse's fears and gain their wonderful support. When your family members are happy, it gives meaning to all the work you do. Create clear, predictable routines and be completely present, not just as a task or show, but truly present for them.

The 2C formula

I also want to touch upon the 2C Formula to deal with the loneliness at the top. This formula is essential because, despite understanding how to navigate different situations, you may still feel lonely and in need of connection and community with people who truly understand you. Even with a supportive family, you cannot burden them with your work or business problems every day.

So, what can you do about it? That's where the 2C Formula comes in.

1.Community

The first "C" stands for "Community." You need a community around you—an inner circle or a personal advisory board. This group allows you to discuss business ideas and problems, get advice, and occasionally talk about personal stuff, but the focus remains on work. This way, you avoid burdening your family with work-related issues and can relate to them at a family level.

Building this community means surrounding yourself with peers and seniors who can provide support and guidance. I recently did a podcast on "Proximity Is Power," discussing various ways to get close to your peers and seniors, which you might find helpful. Here is the link to the blog and the youtube video on the topic.

In summary, you need a continuous peer community of leaders, your inner circle, and a personal advisory board to help you manage your work-life balance effectively and maintain healthy family relationships.

Community is something that's there for you every single day, existing specifically for that purpose. You can reach out to them without any hesitation or worry about what they might feel if you only ask about work. While it's important to develop a personal rapport with everyone, this community is primarily for discussing work.

How can you create that for yourself?

2. Coaches

Why do leaders need coaches?

As leaders, you need to be heard and understood, especially with so much going on in your head. You want a sounding board—a trusted, safe space where you can speak your emotions and mind. Coaches help you stay accountable, provide guardrails, and guide you in processing your thoughts, gaining inner clarity, and taking the next steps. This is very important in your life.

Consider where you can seek these coaches. I'm not talking about mentors. While a mentoring relationship is great and necessary, it is often a senior-to-junior dynamic. You need someone who is your peer or professional equal. Community provides a group of people who are your peers, and a professional or leadership coach offers a dedicated individual who is always there for you.

A coach serves you at a high level, offering a space where you can be intimate, share everything, discuss your ideas, and bounce thoughts off someone who understands the challenges of leadership and business. They should be skilled and experienced in supporting people like you.

Think about what you can do to find such a coach and build that essential support system. I do run a 1:1 Exec Coaching program and you can apply here

Where can you find community and coaches for yourself?

So you don't feel lonely and don't burden your family with your business needs.

You can get emotional, physical, and spiritual support from your family, and be that support for them too. For all your business-related matters, find another place to discuss and resolve them. Establishing these two C's will help you balance support from family and the support needed for your leadership and business roles.

If you’re seeking to develop these aspects, I invite you to join the Transcend Partnership Community, starting mid-July. As a promotion, I'm hosting a free Leadership Mastery Boot Camp from July 10th to 14th. This will help you find your inner circle and advisory circle, so you feel supported by peers who have real business experience, not just consultants.

Joining the Transcend Partnership will also give you access to my course library, specially designed for leaders, enabling you to work on yourself at three levels: personal, relational, and professional. This holistic approach will enhance your leadership, business, and personal life. I eagerly welcome you to this transformative experience.

Leadership development plan

Working on your leadership involves developing yourself through a Leadership Development Plan at three levels: Personal, Relational, and Organizational.

Personal: Strengthening your core.

Relational: Managing relationships with teams, stakeholders, co-founders, and personal relationships.

Organizational: Focusing on strategy, decision-making, hiring, expansion, future planning, and responding to trends.

You'll gain all of this through the Transcend Partnership Community, and I look forward to serving you inside. Please connect with me using the link in the description, where you can sign up for more information and book a call with me to learn more about how this program can help you.

Podcast on the topic

Categories: : Leadership