What Does Emotional Abuse Do to You?

Emotional abuse undermines your self-worth, distorts your perception, and erodes your emotional well-being.

Emotional abuse can leave lasting scars, affecting our self-worth, independence, and overall well-being. In this blog post, we will explore the signs of emotional abuse and the steps you can take to break free from its cycle and find your way towards a healthier, happier life.

The goal of emotional abuse is to control you. There are many reasons why the person abusing you wants control . It could be that this is how they have learnt to survive, this could be rooting out of their own fears and insecurities that they have the urge to control others and controlling has become their relationship style.

The abuser may feel in control when they find that there are people that are “dependent” on them which gives them some kind of high.

Patterns and Cycles:

In such relationships you see patterns and cycles that keep recurring to keep the abused hooked will be

Emotional abuse patterns often exhibit a cyclical nature, characterized by alternating periods of relative tranquility and intense abuse. Within this pattern, various tactics such as gaslighting and name calling are employed to manipulate and control the victim.

Subsequently, a phase of reconciliation ensues, where the abused individual assumes responsibility for the abuser's actions and experiences feelings of guilt.

This may lead to apologies, either by the abused or the abuser may apologize in some cases as a means of maintaining control and ensuring the victim remains emotionally invested. Consequently, the abused are left with a sense of personal inadequacy, diminishing their self-esteem, self-love, and overall confidence.

When a person is emotionally abused in their relationship , what does it do ?

5 Signs That You Are Emotionally Abused

1.Low self-esteem :

As you go through this abuse , you develop low self esteem. You feel like your thoughts, needs and feelings don't have value and hence you don't deserve anything good in your life. You start to internalize the words that the abuser uses and it becomes your thought process to yourself. Phrases like "I am not worthy" , "I am not loveable" start to become your inner voice.

Metaphorical Example

Once upon a time, in a vibrant forest, there lived a graceful centipede who possessed a remarkable talent for dancing. With its multitude of legs, the centipede could perform intricate and mesmerizing movements, captivating the attention of other creatures in the assembly. Its dance was a harmonious blend of elegance and rhythm, accompanied by the soothing sounds of the forest.

However, there was an earthworm who harbored feelings of envy towards the centipede. The earthworm longed to dance with the same grace and finesse but lacked the ability due to its different physique. It became consumed by jealousy, resenting the centipede's popularity and the admiration it received from others.

Driven by its envy, the earthworm approached the centipede and feigned friendship. The earthworm expressed admiration for the centipede's dance but slyly suggested minor adjustments like lifting the 102nd log instead of the 100th, to enhance its performance. It advised the centipede to lift different legs at specific moments during the dance, convincing the centipede that these alterations would make its performance even more extraordinary.

Trusting and eager to improve, the centipede, still naive and learning about the world, believed the earthworm's words. As the grand event in the forest approached, the centipede followed the earthworm's instructions diligently. However, during the performance, confusion set in. The centipede's natural flow was disrupted as it questioned which leg to lift at each moment. Self-doubt crept in, and the once radiant dance lost its brilliance.

The centipede's confidence wavered, and its performance suffered greatly. The constant worry of making mistakes and not living up to the earthworm's suggestions clouded its true potential. The weight of low self-esteem burdened the centipede, hindering its ability to showcase its innate talent.

So, what we learn from this is that low self-esteem can diminish our capabilities and prevent us from reaching our true potential. It distorts our perception of ourselves, making us believe that we are unworthy, flawed, and incapable. However, these beliefs are unfounded. Each of us possesses inherent worth, and our imperfections do not define us.

We must remember that making mistakes is a natural part of growth, and we are all capable of learning and improving. Embracing our true selves and having faith in our abilities allows us to shine authentically and reach new heights.

In conclusion, the story of the centipede and the earthworm reminds us of the dangers of allowing low self-esteem to dictate our lives. By recognizing our worth, embracing our unique talents, and rejecting the notion of perfection, we can break free from the shackles of self-doubt and experience the joy of reaching our full potential. We are not perfect beings , we need to recognise that we are loved infinitely.

2. Codependency :

Codependency is where you don’t value your own needs and you constantly think of how you can serve others ,this attitude can be good only when it is coming out of a correct sense of self , if not , especially in cases of emotional abuse it starts to create a people pleasing behaviors and too much focus on others so that they take care of you. You become more dependent on the abuser for emotional support and direction. You convince yourself that when you serve others your needs and wants are satisfied too. But you tend to forget that your needs and wants are as important as well . Here , there is too much focus on others and you don't feel confident enough to protect yourself . You feel victimized and start to be in a victim mindset .

Victim mindset refers to a psychological state in which an individual perceives themselves as constantly being victimized or oppressed by external circumstances, events, or people. They may feel entitled to sympathy and support from others, viewing themselves as the perpetual "victim" . Here, you start to feel comfortable in the victim mindset.

Client story on codependency :

A woman was trapped in a highly codependent and challenging relationship. However, after joining the self-mastery program, she had reached a turning point. Initially, she had shouldered the blame for the relationship falling apart, believing that she should have reacted differently in certain situations. But through the process of coaching , she was questioned whether there was a better way she could have handled it and that everyone had the right to react and express their opinions. Merely expressing her viewpoint shouldn't have caused a major upheaval that led to the relationship's demise.

Furthermore, she placed excessive value on the other person's needs and emotions while neglecting her own. She hadn't uttered any abusive or hurtful words—she had merely expressed a difference in opinion. However, she insisted that if she hadn't expressed herself, the relationship might have been salvaged.

But the question she needed to ask herself was , was there a relationship to really save here ? If her self-expression was met with such negative consequences. He labeled her behavior as codependent, where she assumed excessive responsibility and neglected her own well-being.

Here, we understand that the abused starts to take responsibility for all the actions of their abuser and they feel that it is their duty to fix everything creating that sense of codependency.

3. Fear of Abandonment :

In this relationship you have been abandoned so many times that you don’t want to be abandoned once again and this causes trust issues as well. The brain gets affected through the course of time and as you grow the chemical response to situations changes due to the emotional abandonment that is caused throughout these years. There is a constant fear of abandonment, of being left alone.You try to do everything right with your relationship, so that you are not left abandoned once again.

4. Shame and Inauthenticity:

There is a lot of shame because the abuser may take a stance of shaming you for having basic and normal desires and this makes you fearful of expressing yourself . This could be a result of being made fun of and you start to live Inauthentically where you lose your sense of self and connection, which is why voicing yourself or being yourself around others becomes a great challenge.

5. Trust deficit :

Emotional abuse manipulates your perception of reality, leaving you questioning your thoughts and feelings, especially trust . Here, you stop to trust not only those who emotionally abuse you but even the good people that love and care for us, which is a reflection that there is a lack of trust for yourself as well.

But , acknowledging these signs are good , but we need to heal ourselves to stop and break this cycle to come out of your vulnerabilities.

These 4 Steps to Help Break This Cycle

1. Identify your patterns & shift to healthier patterns:

Take the time to reflect on your behaviors and thought patterns. Recognize any unhealthy patterns that contribute to negative dynamics in your relationships. Make a conscious effort to shift towards healthier patterns that promote self-respect, boundaries, and positive interactions and to identify your attachment style by reflecting on your attachment style and how it has influenced your relationships.

2. Heal your body , Energy and Mind :

Examine your inner scripts and beliefs that may have developed as a result of emotional abuse. Challenge negative self-talk, self-limiting beliefs, and distorted perceptions of yourself. Work on reframing and replacing these damaging beliefs with positive, empowering ones

3. Heal the emotional charge from the past:

Talking from the Patanjali yoga sutras , there are impressions (samskara's) that are created in your past. To heal and revise these samskaras in a stepwise process is important. Emotional abuse can leave deep emotional wounds. Take steps to heal and release the emotional baggage from the past.

4. Hold yourself accountable:

Accountability is crucial for personal growth and healing. Set intentions, create goals, and establish personal boundaries. Regularly check in with yourself to ensure you are honoring your needs, prioritizing self-care, and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships.

These are the 4 steps you can apply, there may be confusion throughout the practice. To understand that to get out and run away from the relationship is not the first step.

First , you need to strengthen yourself and then take your decisions ahead. Sometimes to do it alone can be quite challenging and we need support from therapy and consultation , friends and family. You need to know that you are not alone in this process.

Client Story

We celebrated one of our students who had overcome a challenging relationship and was working towards her recovery. Despite being emotionally overwhelmed and distressed, she made the brave decision to pursue a qualifying exam for her pediatric specialization, showcasing her determination and resilience. Initially hesitant, she was encouraged to take the exam as a means of empowering herself and focusing on her future.

To everyone's delight, she achieved the remarkable feat of securing the third position nationwide. Witnessing her radiant face, we realized that taking the exam had become a therapeutic process for her, instilling a sense of accomplishment and hope. The support and cheers from her loved ones further emphasized the significance of having a community that understands and stands by you during times of abuse, as it provides valuable energy and encouragement!

In Conclusion

Healing from emotional abuse yields several positive outcomes, including:

Enhanced physical appearance, energy, and overall health.
Increased clarity and direction in career.
Prevention of falling back into toxic relationship patterns.
Reduction of overthinking and rumination.

How Can We Help?

At EASE Life Coaching we have helped many clients become more emotionally secure and solid in themselves allowing them to feel energized and increase their self- worth. It has also helped them nurture themselves and work on their purpose. To learn , connect and grow you can sign up here to get expert coaching from Team EASE Coaches/ Namita Purohit.

Categories: : Self-Love, Emotional Wellness