Rediscovering Spiritual Identity in the Face of Toxicity

Your Identity is bigger than the relationship

Our identity is much bigger than any single relationship, even a toxic one. While it can be easy to let a toxic relationship consume our thoughts and emotions, it's important to remember that we have many different aspects to our identity that deserve attention and nurturing. By focusing on these other aspects of our lives, we can find greater fulfillment and resilience, and avoid the trap of letting a toxic relationship define us.

Identity Crisis

When a relationship breaks, it can often lead to an identity crisis. This is because many people allow their identity to be solely defined by the relationship, and they lose sight of their own individuality. They may have spent so much time and energy focused on the relationship that they have neglected their own needs and interests. As a result, when the relationship becomes difficult or ends, they may feel lost and unsure of who they are. They may feel like they have lost their bearings and struggle to navigate the world without the relationship as a guiding force. 

Nurture Other Aspects of Your Material Identity

It's important to remember that our identity is much more than any single relationship, and that by nurturing all aspects of our lives, we can maintain a strong sense of self even in the face of adversity.

Professional Identity

One important aspect of our identity is our professional identity. This involves the roles we play in our careers and the skills and experiences we bring to the table. By focusing on our professional identity, we can work towards achieving our career goals, building our skills and knowledge, and finding greater satisfaction and fulfillment in our work. This can involve seeking out new opportunities for growth and development, networking with others in our field, and honing our skills through ongoing training and education.

Social Identity

Another aspect of our identity is our social identity. This involves the roles we play in our relationships with others, including our family, friends, and community. By nurturing our social identity, we can build strong, supportive relationships that help us to feel more connected and fulfilled. This can involve spending time with loved ones, participating in social events or group activities, and reaching out to others for support and connection.

Relational Identity

We are not just defined by our relationship with one person. We may be a mother, father, sister, brother, friend, colleague, and so much more. By nurturing these other relationships in our lives, we can maintain a sense of balance and perspective, and avoid becoming completely consumed by the failing relationship with the toxic person. It's important to remember that our identity is multifaceted, and by focusing on the other important relationships in our lives, we can stay grounded and maintain a healthy sense of self.

Temporary vs Permanent

Material identity is based on external factors such as one's job, social status, possessions, and relationships, which are all temporary and end with death. On the other hand, our spiritual identity is permanent and eternal as it is the quality of the soul. This identity is based on our relationship with the Divine and our true nature as spiritual beings. Focusing on our spiritual identity helps us understand our purpose and meaning in life beyond material possessions and achievements. It helps us connect with our true selves and experience inner peace and happiness. This is why nurturing our spiritual identity is important and can provide a sense of fulfillment that is not dependent on external factors.

Nurture your Spiritual Identity: The Foundation

Spiritual identity is our real identity- that we are part and parcel of God, we are His servant and He is our master. People can take away everything from you, but they cannot take away your identity of being a part and parcel of God- even God cannot take that away from you.

This involves our relationship with God, our sense of purpose and meaning, and our values and beliefs. By focusing on our spiritual identity, we can find greater inner peace and fulfillment, and a sense of connection to something larger than ourselves. This can involve exploring new spiritual practices or traditions, meditating or praying regularly, engaging in acts of service or charity, or simply taking time to reflect on our values and beliefs.

It's important to remember that our identity is much bigger than any single relationship, and that giving too much importance to a toxic relationship can be a recipe for failure. By focusing on our professional, social, and spiritual identity, we can find greater fulfillment and resilience, and avoid becoming defined by a toxic relationship. This can involve setting goals for ourselves in each of these areas, seeking out opportunities for growth and development, and surrounding ourselves with supportive people who help us to feel valued and empowered.

A Woman Leader's Story: The Power of Spiritual Identity in Challenging Times

A successful professional woman who held the position of Vice President in her company approached us for coaching. Her happiness in her professional life was often overshadowed by the constant negativity and manipulation from her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law was always trying to create problems between her and her husband, pulling him away from her and creating a toxic atmosphere in the family.

The woman was always insecure about her relationship with her husband, fearing that he may choose his mother over her. This fear consumed her and made her act in unpleasant and unintelligent ways. Despite having a strong professional, social, and relational identity, she felt incomplete and insecure.

Through our coaching, we helped her nurture her spiritual identity. She connected with her true self, an eternal soul, part and parcel of Krishna, and realized that no one, not even her mother-in-law, could take that away from her. She started working on healing herself and deepening her spiritual practices, such as chanting the holy names and acts of service to the Lord.

As she connected with her spiritual identity, she felt more at peace and relieved, despite her mother-in-law's continued negativity. She realized that her spiritual identity was the one thing that she could hold onto in the face of all the challenges she faced in her life. She no longer allowed her mother-in-law's behavior to affect her or her relationship with her husband.

In the end, the woman found a sense of completeness and satisfaction by nurturing her spiritual identity. She learned that material identities are temporary, but spiritual identity is eternal, and it is the key to finding true happiness and peace.

The Example of the Pandavas

The Pandavas are a great example of this. They were constantly facing obstacles and challenges in their lives due to the toxic relationship they had with Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra. However, they never let their circumstances define them. They continued to nurture their identities in all aspects of their lives, including their professional, social, and spiritual identities. They honed their skills in archery, sword fighting, and other arts, and prepared themselves for the battles that lay ahead. They also built many new relationships during their vanvas, which helped them to maintain a sense of connection and support.

The Pandavas, despite going through numerous trials and tribulations, never faced an identity crisis because they were firmly rooted in their spiritual identity. They were always conscious of their relationship with Lord Krishna and their eternal position as his loving servants. This understanding gave them the strength and resilience to face any situation that came their way. Even after losing their kingdom and being exiled to the forest, they did not waver in their devotion to the Lord. Their unwavering faith and connection with Krishna gave them the confidence to face every challenge with grace and determination. Their spiritual identity was the foundation of their strength and helped them overcome every obstacle in life.

They did not let the toxic relationship with Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra consume them, but rather focused on building themselves up and preparing for the future. They knew that their identity was much bigger than any single relationship, and that by nurturing all aspects of their lives especially their spiritual identity, they could find greater fulfillment and resilience.


In conclusion, while a toxic relationship can be all-consuming, it's important to remember that our spiritual identity is the most important aspect of our being. As complex and multifaceted individuals, we have many different aspects to our identity. By nurturing our professional and social relationships, we can find fulfillment and resilience, but we must also nurture our spiritual identity. This connection to our spiritual self allows us to stay grounded and centered, and helps us avoid becoming defined by a single relationship. By doing so, we can reclaim our sense of self and move forward with strength and purpose, knowing that our spiritual identity is the stable foundation upon which we build other aspects of our identity and eventually our lives and contribution.

How can we help?

At EASE Life Coaching we have helped many clients  become more solid in themselves by helping them develop other aspects of their material identity and go deeper in their spiritual identity. It has also helped them nurture their marriage and work on their purpose. Sign up here to get expert coaching from Team EASE Coaches/ Namita Purohit

Categories: Narcissism, Personal Growth