Parenting with a Narcissist? 3 Survival Strategies you NEED

The struggles of parenting with a narcissist, the emotional turmoil it brings, and the steps you can take to safeguard your child's well - being

In this blog, we will explore the struggles of parenting with a narcissist, the emotional turmoil it brings, and the steps you can take to safeguard your child’s well-being.

Navigating the Complexities of Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Parenting is challenging, but parenting alongside a narcissistic partner or co-parenting with a narcissistic ex can be an overwhelming and deeply distressing experience. Many parents in this situation worry about the emotional and psychological impact on their children, as well as the constant struggles in making joint decisions regarding their upbringing.

If you are raising a child with a narcissistic partner or ex, you are likely familiar with the constant emotional manipulation, power struggles, and unpredictable behavior that characterize their parenting style.
They can be emotionally abusive to the child, causing deep psychological scars.
They frequently disrupt schedules and agreements, making consistency difficult.
They may use the child as a tool to manipulate or punish the other parent.
They prioritize their own image over the well-being of the child.
One of the most painful aspects of this dynamic is witnessing your child suffer while feeling powerless to shield them from the toxicity.

The Story of a Father’s Silent Struggle While Parenting With His Narcissistic Wife

This couple had two children: a son and a daughter. The daughter bore a striking resemblance to her mother, who was an exceptionally beautiful woman. As the girl grew older, her beauty blossomed, drawing admiration from those around her. However, instead of feeling proud, the mother felt threatened and envious of her daughter's youth and attractiveness.

From an early age, the mother subjected her daughter to relentless emotional abuse. The girl, being highly sensitive and intuitive, learned to remain silent to avoid provoking her mother’s rage. She understood that her suffering would indirectly impact her younger brother, who would become anxious and withdrawn whenever there was conflict at home.

By the time she turned 17, her mother took an extreme step—marrying her off to a man 11 years older than her. This man was emotionally unavailable, lacked a stable career, and had little understanding of how to nurture a relationship. The daughter, conditioned to accept mistreatment as normal, entered the marriage without resistance.

Many would question why the father allowed this to happen. Why didn’t he stand up for his daughter? Why didn’t he intervene? The painful truth is that years of enduring his wife’s abuse had left him broken and powerless. Whenever he tried to protect his daughter, his wife would retaliate, making life even harder for the girl.

The father’s silence wasn’t a sign of indifference but of helplessness, an internal battle between wanting to protect his daughter and knowing that speaking up could make things worse for her.

You Are Not Alone

Parenting with a narcissist is incredibly challenging, but you are not alone. There are ways to support your child, minimize harm, and empower them to develop resilience despite the circumstances.

If you are struggling in this situation, remember that help is available. Healing is possible, and your child can grow into a strong, self-aware individual with the right guidance and support.

For more resources on recovering from narcissistic abuse and effective co-parenting strategies, check out the Heal Strong Program, designed to help individuals make a full spiritual recovery from toxic relationships.

Parenting is challenging in itself, but when you are co-parenting with a narcissistic partner, the emotional toll can be overwhelming. You may feel helpless watching your child suffer, manipulated, and used as emotional supply. Despite your efforts to shield them, it can feel like a never-ending battle. However, understanding the dynamics and equipping yourself with strategies can make a difference.

The Emotional Toll on the Child

Children raised by a narcissistic parent experience significant emotional distress. They are caught between conflicting messages, manipulated into taking sides, and often punished unfairly.

Emotional Confusion: They struggle to make sense of the contradictions in their upbringing.
Fear and Anxiety: They live in constant fear of upsetting the narcissistic parent.
Guilt and Responsibility: They take on the burden of maintaining peace in the household.
Self-Esteem Issues: They internalize the narcissist’s criticism, leading to self-doubt and insecurity.

A narcissistic parent may have different roles assigned to their children the golden child, the scapegoat, or the forgotten child. The scapegoat, in particular, is often emotionally and mentally drained as they are manipulated and used without receiving love or affection.

The child’s emotions are suffocated; they are not allowed to feel sadness or express their pain. After enduring abuse, they are expected to return to normal as if nothing happened. Promises made to them—watching a soccer game, buying a toy, or spending time together—are broken at the last minute. These empty promises serve as bargaining chips to extract emotional supply from the child.

Worse still, the narcissistic parent takes pleasure in disturbing the child and watching them suffer. Gaslighting and manipulation become routine, leaving the child emotionally hurt and abandoned. Scolded for no apparent reason, they are left alone with their emotions without any empathy or comfort.

How Does This Impact You?

As the other parent, you witness this helplessly. You see the narcissistic partner using even their own child to feed their ego, and it is heartbreaking. You desperately want to provide a stable environment for your child but find yourself struggling against a force that seems immovable.

You have tried:

Reasoning with the narcissistic parent, asking them to be kinder and more loving.

Invoking friends and family members to intervene.
Setting boundaries, but realizing that it is nearly impossible to enforce them when the child naturally seeks the love of both parents.
Helping your child develop emotional coping strategies, but still seeing them struggle to comprehend the situation.
Despite your efforts, the narcissistic parent continues their destructive behavior. This leaves you emotionally exhausted, stressed, and constantly worried about your child’s well-being.

Dhruva Maharaj's Mother Suniti: A Lesson in Strength

In the Srimad Bhagavatam, there is a story about Dhruva Maharaj and his mother, Suniti. Dhruva, a young boy, wished to sit on his father’s lap, just as his stepbrother did. However, his stepmother denied him, saying he had no right to do so because he was not her biological child. To add to the pain, his father did nothing to defend him.

Deeply hurt, Dhruva ran to his mother, Suniti. She, too, was distressed by the injustice but remained composed. Instead of getting overwhelmed by her emotions, she provided a calm and steady presence for her son. She comforted him, acknowledged his pain, and then guided him toward a path of spiritual and personal growth.

Lessons for Parenting with a Narcissist
: 3 steps to Stay Calm and Support Your Child

Parenting in challenging situations, especially when parenting with a narcissistic partner, can be exhausting. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless. However, by shifting our mindset and focusing on what we can control, we can become a steady, loving presence for our children. In this blog, we will explore three essential steps to help you navigate difficult parenting dynamics while maintaining inner peace and strength.

1. Accept That Parenting Will Not Be Perfect

One of the biggest sources of frustration is the expectation that parenting should be perfect. The truth is, it won’t be. The sooner you make peace with this, the calmer and more grounded you will feel.

Instead of getting upset with every challenging incident, remind yourself: “I understand that parenting will not be perfect, and I make peace with that.” This shift in perspective allows you to respond to difficult situations with a sense of calm rather than frustration. When abusive or manipulative behaviours occur, you won’t be caught off guard or constantly trying to resist them. Instead, you can focus on being a stable, loving presence for your child.

Even if your child is an adult, these challenges may persist. Making peace with imperfection enables you to remain centred and provide the emotional support they need.

2. Focus on What You Can Control (Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence)

This concept, drawn from Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, can be incredibly helpful when dealing with difficult co-parenting or family situations.

Circle of Concern: These are things that worry us but are beyond our control. For example, how your co-parent behaves when you are not around or how they manipulate your child.

Circle of Influence: These are things we can control or influence. For example, how you support and guide your child, the emotional tools you provide, and the environment you create when they are with you.

If a parent or co-parent is emotionally abusive, you may not be able to change them. However, you can focus on what you can influence—helping your child develop emotional resilience, guiding them toward positive coping mechanisms, and being a source of stability.

In the story of Dhruva Maharaj, his mother, Suniti, realized that she couldn’t control the unfair treatment of her son. Instead of focusing on what was out of her hands, she directed Dhruva toward prayer and self-empowerment. Similarly, you can guide your child toward strength, self-worth, and emotional balance without engaging in constant battles over things you cannot change.

3. Stop Catastrophizing Situations

It’s easy to view every difficult parenting moment as a disaster. However, we must be mindful of how we interpret and react to situations.

Many parents, especially those in toxic relationships, find themselves reacting at a 100 when the situation only calls for a 20. Because of the vast amount of information available on child development, trauma, and abuse, we may unintentionally magnify every issue to the point where it feels overwhelming.

Ask yourself: Am I treating this situation as if my house is burning down? If so, take a step back. Instead, shift your inner dialogue to: “Whatever happens, I can handle it. I will support my child and myself through this.” By managing your own reactions, you become a strong, calming force for your child.

Becoming a Calming Influence for Your Child

By embracing these three principles you can become a solid, loving presence for your child.

Your child doesn’t need you to control every external situation; they need “you” to be emotionally stable and supportive. When you work on your own calmness, it naturally extends to your child, creating a secure environment where they can thrive.

Remember the oxygen mask principle: You must take care of yourself first before you can help your child. Many parents dealing with toxic relationships are so focused on protecting their children that they neglect their own emotional well-being. Prioritizing your own strength and peace will enable you to be the best parent you can be.

When you've been trapped in a toxic dynamic, you’re not just dealing with emotional wounds—you are trauma bonded, gaslighted, and drained of self-worth. The abuse affects every aspect of your life—your health, career, parenting, and mental well-being. Over time, you begin to fall apart.

Whether you’re a mother navigating a toxic relationship with a narcissistic husband or a father dealing with a narcissistic wife, the effects are equally devastating.

Breaking Free: Healing and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse

Surviving a relationship with a narcissist takes an incredible toll on your confidence, strength, and sense of self. Many people who have endured years of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse find themselves exhausted, vulnerable, and unsure of how to move forward. If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible, and you can rebuild your life to be stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling than ever before.

That’s why I’ve created the Heal Strong Program—a structured, proven process that takes away the guesswork and confusion, guiding you toward full recovery. You get a complete holistic program along with 1:1 coaching, courses and community.

HealStrong is a Complete Support System: Coaching, Courses, and Community

Unlike traditional therapy or self-help books that leave you working alone, our program provides a comprehensive support system:

Our experienced coaching team includes Poonam Batra from New York and Sangeeta Goel from Kansas, alongside myself. We’ve helped countless high-performing individuals escape toxic relationships and thrive in their personal and professional lives.

Why Healing Now Matters

Many people wait until they hit rock bottom before seeking help, but the longer you stay in an abusive dynamic, the more damage it does—to you and your children. Instead of enduring years of pain before reaching out, take action now and reclaim your life before it’s too late.

Imagine how different your life will be when you show up as a strong, confident, and predictable presence for your children. Imagine no longer being controlled by fear, manipulation, or emotional exhaustion.

This is your chance to break free, heal, and create a life filled with strength, peace, and joy. Don’t wait until you’re completely drained—start your journey today and take back control of your future.

Enroll in One-on-One Coaching Today

If you're ready to take the next step in your healing journey, consider enrolling in one-on-one coaching with us. You can also visit our website to select the right coaching track for you. If you are looking for guidance on healing from toxic abuse click on HealStrong 1:1 Coaching

Click on “Apply Now” to fill out an application form. Since we work with only a few clients at a time, your application will be reviewed, and if it’s a good fit for our services, you’ll receive an invitation to book a call with us. In that session, we’ll discuss your needs and onboard you into the coaching program.

Also if you prefer watching over reading, you can watch the video on the topic below!

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Categories: : Narcissism